The Saint Joel Hodgson Church of MST3K

A place to meet and enjoy the love that Saint Joel Hodgson and his offspring, Mystery Science Theater 3000, have brought to all of us personally. Bring your friends. Come for the eternal damnation, stay for the pie.

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Location: Graceville, Minnesota, United States

I am the founder of the Saint Joel Hodgson Church of MST3K. It is totally my own creation and does not represent the views of Joel Hodgson, Best Brains Incorporated, or anyone involved with the show in any way. We are NOT a cult. There are no loyalty oaths, secret handshakes, or virgin blood sacrifices. At NO time will I EVER ask ANY of you for money. Tape traders are more than welcome.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Today's Reading: #102 - "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy" {with the epistle "Commando Cody & the Radar Men From the Moon--Episode 1"}

Premiere Oration: Sometime in December of Nineteeneightynine.

Opening Prayer: Invention exchange: Saint Joel:The airbag helmet (Lifted directly from Saint Joel's Stage Sermons) The Mads: The chalkman, a record player with a human hand with real human fingernails that scratches on a real chalkboard [Side "B" works the best.] Dr. F also has Larry test Deep 13's new security system, one of those logs on ropes that bean the fellow in the noggin. Dr. F gets a bump of it, as well.

First Reading: Demon dogs attack! Tom takes them on, but the beings simply "disgrace themselves" upon him. Apparently, Demon Dogs expel their wastes like silly string. It also doesn't help that Saint Joel admits he modeled Tom after a fire hydrant.

Second Reading: Enoch, the demon dog king, (voiced by Jim Mallon, who's barely comprehensible over all the noise the puppet's mouth makes) tries to tell Saint Joel how to expel the demon dogs from the ship, but before he can, Gypsy eats him [A Saint Joel follower would bring this up years later in an epistle read in Scripture #311 - "It Conquered the World" (with the epistle "Snow Thrills")].

Third Reading: Crow's attempt to impersonate Enoch results in more silly string waste expulsion.

Closing Prayer: Joel's tricks the demon dogs off the ship by throwing a ball-shaped piece of space equipment. But as Tom points out "Doesn't fetch mean go get...and BRING BACK!?" For reasons unexplained, the Mads' heads are wrapped in bandages. [This is the sort of physical nonsequiter that "BOB!" finds most enjoyable!]

Consider This: The "demon dogs" in this Scripture were made out of a "Masters of the Universe" toy called "Battle Bones," painted red and black with construction paper ears. The Battle Bones toy itself was used to store your He-Man figures by snapping their necks into the round tabs in the ribcage. VERY lucky MSTies from back in the day had the chance to BUY their very own Demon Dog for a cool 25 bucks! This scripture is also historic as Mike Nelson revealed years later that it was the first and only time they were forced to take Tequila shots to make their way through the writing of the riffs. This may explain a set of jokes that broke the show's convention and in one case, good taste factor. One featured Saint Joel holding his hand up to the mouth of a singing lady, resulting in the soundtrack being repressed. The other..well there's no nice way to say it.. featured the sound of men urinating during a shot of a group of men with their backs to the camera. They even included the sounds of flies being zipped up afterward! All in all, a show with amusing Readings and less-than-stellar riffing, but dammit, at least they *TRIED*!


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