The Saint Joel Hodgson Church of MST3K

A place to meet and enjoy the love that Saint Joel Hodgson and his offspring, Mystery Science Theater 3000, have brought to all of us personally. Bring your friends. Come for the eternal damnation, stay for the pie.

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Location: Graceville, Minnesota, United States

I am the founder of the Saint Joel Hodgson Church of MST3K. It is totally my own creation and does not represent the views of Joel Hodgson, Best Brains Incorporated, or anyone involved with the show in any way. We are NOT a cult. There are no loyalty oaths, secret handshakes, or virgin blood sacrifices. At NO time will I EVER ask ANY of you for money. Tape traders are more than welcome.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Today's Reading: #K09 - "Phase IV"

Premiere Oration: The Fifteenth of January, Nineteenhundredeightynine

Opening Prayer: The Mads sell Saint Joel's car to go towards the $30,000 they need to continue their experiments. If only they had asked Saint Joel first!

Saint Joel: I have $30,000!
The Mads: WHERE?
Saint Joel: In my *CAR*!

The Mads, insecure fellows they are, punish Saint Joel for their own folly by sending him "the ANT movie!"

First Reading: Saint Joel has Servo and Crow repeat to him Isaac Asimov's robotic laws. The Bots make up some robotic laws of their own.

Servo: "Never hollow out a robot and make a fort out of him."
[And for the record "Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute" is NOT one of Mr. Asimov's robotic laws. Saint Joel put it best when he describes Isaac as "A really Great... no make that really PROLIFIC writer!"]

Second Reading: Saint Joel &The Bots share with each other the first thing each of them plan to do when they get back to Earth.

Crow: "I'm going to kill Sandy Frank."
Servo: "Well, that's a given."

Saint Joel plans to turn off the water faucet that he left running at his apartment. [Another example of how Saints aren't perfect!]

Third Reading: The crew of the SoL enjoy a game of "I Spy."

Crow: I spy with my little eye something that begins with "B".
Saint Joel: The Bridge?
Crow: Nooooooo....
Saint Joel: I give up!
Crow: Barnacles!..Space...Barnacles...clinging to the outside of the ship!
Saint Joel: Crow, I *TOLD* you! NO X-ray vision!

The crew bores of this quickly, so they inexplicably go into a performance of "Wipeout." Since he's the only one with working arms, Saint Joel takes the drum solo. Gotta love Servo's high-pitched "meh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh! Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh!" onomatopoeia.

Closing Prayer: Saint Joel programs Crow and Gypsy to recite a new robotic law.

Crow & Gypsy: Don't be surprised if somewhere, somehow, when you least expect it, someone walks up to you and says...Don't be surprised if somewhere, somehow, when you least expect it, someone walks up to you and says...Don't be surprised if somewhere...

The credit roll cuts them off. [Reminds me of Lamb Chop's "The Song That Never Ends"]

Consider This: This is the first non-Gamera Scripture since Scripture K03. Some theater clips from this Scripture were included on the pitch tape to the Comedy Channel.

Crow: Looks kinda skinny, must be a Carpenter Ant!
Servo: Ant-orexic!

Servo: They're trying to find a picnic! You know, ants can carry entire watermelons! And great BIG chicken legs!....It happened on "The Flintstones".
Crow: I had a chicken leg once!...I had to wear corrective shoes!

[The ants are carrying the Queen ant's maggots to safety.]
Crow: Hope nobody's eating rice at this point!

Now's as good a time as any to share the story of how Crow became Crow. In an interview, Saint Joel said at college, he had a Native American roommate with the surname of "Crow", and Crow T. Robot was meant to be the exemplification of the free-thinking, smart-aleck spirit of his roommate. Pretty Neat, eh?

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